A yoga class
The other day, I was in a yin yoga class. We were in the beginning stages of the class when all of a sudden someone starts blowing their nose. I couldn’t help but pop one eye open. Seriously?! My hands are over my heart in deep centeredness and you decide to blow your nose? And not just any nose blow, but a loud, juicy, disgusting nose blow.
Some people go to yoga for the spiritual practice. It’s centering, calming, meditative. It’s relaxing and peaceful. Some people go for the workout. The intense muscle stretching, twisting and endurance.
Nobody ever goes to yoga to catch a cold from a fellow yogi. Stay at home next time, lady.
On an plane
Planes are tiny. Tiny and enclosed. Tiny little enclosed germ factories. The “infamous” 1979 study which linked the illness that infected 72% of passengers on a sitting place came from a single passenger. ONE person can infect 54 people sitting on a plane, people! One. Granted, they’ve got HEPA filters now to catch airborne pathogens, particles and bacteria, but when that circulation is off, your chances of catching a cold goes up to the double digits.
And let’s talk about crevices on a plane. How many of you have put a used tissue into one of those seat back pockets. Your snotty, germy nastiness has now infected that area. It’s dry on that place. Germs like dry. Say after your 3 hour flight to vacation in the Keys, Sally Mae gets on after you, grabs the seat back pocket to throw in her magazine for her flight to Vegas, and then props her hand on her face. Bam. She’s sick. Within days, most likely.
I doubt those seat back trays are cleaned very often. Pillows and blankets people are tossing around in the air… okay. I’m done with that one. My face is all contorted and I’m feeling queasy just thinking about it. I’ll be taking the train for the next year.
On a date
This one should go without saying, but you’d be surprised what the allure of sex will drive some folks to do. But trust me on this one: no one (except for my ex – we had something truly special!) will find your snotty, coughing self attractive!
If you happen to run into Person Charming and can’t possibly imagine waiting one day longer, think about that moment when you kiss and leave snot on Charming’s face. Disgusted? Yeah. So wait a week and try it then. Save us all the horror.
In the movie theatre
Tensions are high. So and so and what’s her name are finally professing their love for each other. So and so leans in and says…
You don’t fucking know because Senor Sickness next to you won’t stop coughing! You missed what might have been the best line in the entire movie. Bummer. Besides that, it’s an enclosed space. Refer to the plane bit above. Perhaps they should make a commercial to play before the main attraction similar to the one about turning off your cell phone. Something like, “Germs and gun fights don’t mix, people! Please take your illness home. Right now.” Nobody wants to hear you coughing and blowing your nose. I suppose I should take this moment to send my apologies to all the folks in “Silver Lining Playbook” with me yesterday. I was going stir crazy sitting at home, though!
At an Ethiopian restaurant
This, folks, could quite possibly be the gravest of offenses. Why? Because you eat with your hands at an Ethiopian restaurant, people! And where do germs live? Well, besides in the air and on the table and chairs? On your hands! Your nose is running, you grab a tissue and wipe it or blow it and then reach in and grab another piece of injera. And I’m done. Dinner over. Gross. At least go to the bathroom and blow your nose where you can then wash your hands and avoid contaminating the entire plate.
We’ve all found ourselves in these situations a time or two. And depending on who you’re with, you may have avoided being shamed and humiliated by your utter lack of propriety. Be warned, however. Someone noticed and someone wasn’t happy. That same someone might just write a blog about it later. You never know.