One morning this week, I’m not quite sure which one, I woke up with an animal on my face. It was a cross between a turkey and a pig and it was trying to stuff its plump body into my mouth and dye my hair brown at the same time. Don’t laugh. This is serious business. And don’t think for one minute that I would make up a story like this – I most certainly would not.
So it’s because of this crazed porkey that it has been a while since I wrote. Okay, that part isn’t true, but school has started and I’ve been really busy. Okay, wait. That isn’t true either. I’ve been sleeping and eating and I’ve gone to Madrid once. There’s been no busy. But I’ve been trying to be busy. I swear.
So back to this porkey fellow, because I’m pretty sure it was a male. The jerk was dying my hair brown. Can you believe that? I got up out of the bed and the shit was almost all brown at the front and on the top. How the hell did that happen? One day I went to bed with black hair. The next there was a porkey on my face and my hair was brown. Damn him!
Second, the stuffing of porkey down my throat. So we all know that my vegetarianism is a little complicated anyway. I’m not trying to save the animals, I don’t have any religious stipulations. I just usually don’t have a taste for meat. And I’ve been pretty much vegetarian for a while now, with the exception of nights like that one at my mother’s where I was eating the ‘juice” from her chili and ignoring the pieces of meat that I happened to get on my nachos. That’s it.
But the damn porkey gave me his butt in between a piece of bread and I had no choice but to munch away. What else was I supposed to do? He was sitting on my face!!
So now I’m a morena who’s been given a little taste of porkey meat. Spain is ruining me for good.